


Butterflies

by alafaye



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 07:30:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alafaye/pseuds/alafaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin tells Arthur about his having magic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> Written for love bingo and the prompt "butterflies in the stomach". I may have taken this one a bit too liberally. Thanks to mahmfic for the plot inspiration. Also covers the prompt "Make someday today" at the LJ community dove_drabbles.

Guilt, Merlin found, was a stone that sat heavily in one's stomach like lead. It grew like Dark Magic--without sun, without air, without water. It also, Merlin decided, did not mix well with nervousness or love, both of which would normally make him feel like he had butterflies in his stomach. 

Arthur was laying with his head pillowed on Merlin's stomach, hair sweaty and dozing lightly. Merlin wondered how he managed to do anything resembling sleep given how Merlin felt.

"Out with it," Arthur muttered, making Merlin jump. Arthur grumbled and forced Merlin to relax again. "You're tenser than usual and it's disturbing my sleep."

Merlin swallowed hard and managed half a smile. "Right. I forgot. Royalty can only sleep when the stars and moon are perfectly aligned and all the people nearby are completely relaxed."

"So you are nervous," Arthur said. "Tell."

Merlin worried his bottom lip even as he wondered when Arthur had found time to grow from an arrogant, stuck up prince to a wise and clever king. Arthur poked Merlin in the side where he was ticklish and Merlin shoved him away. "Prat. We were having a nice moment together and you had to go and ruin it by talking."

Arthur raised an eyebrow, propped up above Merlin on his elbow to one side and his palm on the other. "You ruined it by thinking. Just tell me. I promise to listen and do what I can."

Arthur had revoked the laws banning magic and making the practice of it illegal, but the years of separation and stigma had kept magic out of Camelot. Arthur himself still seemed wary and even angry at magic users, suspecting them first whenever someone was hurt or something had happened. 

"Merlin!" Arthur growled, bending close.

Merlin swallowed hard. "I--promise, you won't get angry."

Arthur frowned and narrowed his eyes. "You haven't murdered someone, have you?"

Merlin shook his head. "No, nothing like that. I just don't want you think of me differently or throw me out."

"Merlin, whatever it is, I've likely caught you doing it before," Arthur gently reminded him. After all, no matter what he'd joked before, he had seen Merlin kill a man off the battlefield (to be fair, it had been for a good reason). They'd smuggled a Druid boy out of the castle and helped Morgana. At this moment, Arthur was breaking his wedding vows. There wasn't a lot they hadn't done together.

Merlin nodded. "Right." _Just tell him_ , he told himself. "Ihavemagic." Merlin cringed. Arthur lifted himself off his elbow onto his palm.

"Say that again," he barked, quiet and calm and betraying nothing.

"I have magic," Merlin repeated. "Magic. Like the Druids. I have since I was a baby."

"Have," Arthur muttered. "Not use, have."

"I've never thought about using it. I've just done magic, without a spell or a potion or anything. It's part of me."

Arthur sat up and Merlin followed, but sat back against the headboard when Arthur inched away to the foot of the bed. Arthur took a deep breath. "Show me."

 _Show_ him? Merlin ran through a hundred spells he'd memorized since coming to Camelot, remembered times from his childhood when he'd done what his mum had called miracles, but he was still nervous, still felt like there were butterflies in his stomach, and Arthur's rooms were suddenly filled with dozens of the flying creatures.

Arthur's eyes went wide as he looked around. "You didn't say word. Didn't move your hand. Nothing. How?"

Merlin shrugged. "I don't know. Like I said, I have magic."

Arthur closed his eyes, suddenly looking pained. "Get out."

Merlin didn't need to be told twice. As he pulled on his clothes and left, the butterflies went with him.

~~~

Merlin, for some reason, still shared Gaius' rooms. He had been given a position of honour in Arthur's court and many respected him for the choices and ideas he had brought to the kingdom, but no matter all of that, somehow he had never gotten his own room. Most nights now he spent in Arthur's bed, had ever since they had first lain together, but Merlin's room was still technically Gaius' storage room. It smelled musty, old, and there was a layer of dust over most of it. That together with the emotions still running through his head meant he slept little.

Gaius had set out a second bowl of porridge for him and gave Merlin a questioning look as he sat down. Merlin looked into the bowl and his stomach protested, still feeling as though it had butterflies inside it, just on top of the lead stone.

"I told Arthur last night," Merlin confessed.

Gaius said nothing. He patted Merlin's shoulder and went on with his duties. Nothing could be said, really. Gaius and Merlin had long discussed this day, but neither of them had ever been sure what would happen once Merlin told Arthur. After all, Arthur was nothing like Uther; he was fair and just. The last time a magic user had been killed had been over a year ago. In the time since, magic had been seen and used. Nothing had come of it since it hadn't been used breaking any law. But those were people distant from Arthur. 

Merlin was a different subject entirely. He was a member of the court and he trained with the knights; he counseled Arthur, been his manservant, and been on the battlefield with him. They were close friends and lovers. In some ways, they knew each other better than they knew themselves.

The day stretched on and Merlin stayed in Gaius' rooms, unsure of what to do. He was afraid of leaving the rooms; he didn't know what he would do if he saw Arthur. He could go to find some of the knights, but they might know, at the least, that Arthur was upset by something and Merlin was in no state to answer their questions.

But when night fell, the door to the hall opened and Arthur strode in, looking fierce. "Where the hell have you been?"

Merlin raised his eyebrows. "Hiding. Obviously."

Arthur crossed his arms. "Hiding. From what?"

Merlin blinked. "Are you serious? I'm hiding from you, from the knights, everyone! I had no idea what you were going to do and I didn't want anyone asking _me_ why you were...angry."

Arthur stomped across the small space and grabbed Merlin by his neckerchief. He pulled him into the storage room and slammed the door. "Does Gaius know?"

Merlin rubbed his neck and glared. "What does it matter?"

Arthur held up his hands. "Look, I'm not mad. I'm upset and confused and...I've spent all day thinking about it and decided it didn't matter. You've always had the opportunity to kill me and you didn't. You could've used magic on me and ruled Camelot--or killed my father. Any number of things I've seen magic users do and you've never done those. In fact, I suspect that there were several times when you used magic to help me and the kingdom.

"I can't be angry, Merlin, because I know you too well. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did, but--"

"I expected you to burn me," Merlin interrupted, but only half-jokingly.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Merlin, have I burned anyone for even possessing magic since I've become king?"

Merlin shook his head. "But then none of the magic users have been as close to you as I've been. It's different, isn't it?"

"It isn't," Arthur replied. "I spent all day thinking about that and it really isn't different. It bothers me that I didn't know and it scares me a little, but you've had too many opportunities and rather than do anything evil or illegal, you've instead been helpful."

Merlin let out a heavy breath. "All right. That's fair."

Arthur raised his eyebrows. "That's it? That's all you have to say?"

Merlin laughed brokenly. "Well, I mean, I spent all day worrying I would spend the night in the dungeon. This is rather brilliant, actually."

"Wait, wait." Arthur licked his lips and advanced toward Merlin. "Are you actually telling me that I ruined a perfectly good post-sex cuddle and you're not upset?"

Merlin half smiled. "I thought that was my fault?"

"I kicked you out so it's my fault, really." Arthur grabbed Merlin by his belt loops and pulled him close. "You normally raise hell if I stop us from enjoying a post-sex cuddle and this time, you can only be grateful you're not banished to the dungeon."

Merlin hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose I could banish you to the dungeon instead. Would that make you happy?"

Arthur wrinkled his nose. "So you can then clean my clothes when I complain that they got dirty? Honestly, Merlin, it's like you have no sense in your head whatsoever."

Merlin shrugged. "Then how about we skip the dungeon entirely and just go to bed?"

"Now that is a brilliant idea. See, I knew that there was something in your head besides air."

"Oh, now that's just rude. I think you can forget about asking for anything special tonight."

"We'll see who's asking who what. Hey, do you know if magic can--uh..."

"I wish I could say I've never thought about this, but I might have an idea or two."

"Really? Do tell."

"Well, there is this one spell..."


End file.
